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Stari borac
Average Member
Croatia
505 Posts
Member since 03/11/2004 |
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mr murdoc
Advanced Member
Switzerland
14557 Posts
Member since 02/01/2006 |
 Posted - 13/04/2008 : 19:13:01
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Dijete plače, uginuo mu kućni ljubimac.
Pita ga otac:
-Zašto plačeš, kada ti je umrla baba nisi plakao?
-Ali, babu nisam kupio od svog džeparca! |
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”? Oscar Wilde |
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Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5651 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
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mr murdoc
Advanced Member
Switzerland
14557 Posts
Member since 02/01/2006 |
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morrison
Advanced Member
Serbia
5142 Posts
Member since 29/01/2008 |
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dcopic
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
6221 Posts
Member since 20/01/2005 |
Posted - 15/04/2008 : 13:05:46
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Gleda lik TV, a za to vrijeme njegova zena sprema rublje za pranje.
Pretura po dzepovima njegovih kosulja i nalazi papiri na kojem pise
BARBARA 3/6.
Slozi facu, prie mu s lea i odvali mu sljagu preko usiju. On onako
unezvjereno:
- "Koji ti je zeno? Sto me udari?"
- "Sta sto te udari? Ko je Barbara?" i zamahne mu onim papiricem ispred
nosa.
On se osmjehnu:
- "Pa ljubavi isao sam na konjske trke, a prijatelj mi zapisao na kojeg
konja da se kladim.
Vidis Barbara, 3 - broj trke, 6 - staza u kojoj trci."
- "Joj, oprosti, ja mislila ... oprosti. Nisam te puno udarila?"
Poslije par dana opet ista scena, lik gleda TV, a
zena prilazi i odvali mu sljagu po usima da je sve zazvonilo.
- "Pa sta je sada? Sta sam sad uradio?"
- "Nisi nista, ali tvoj konj je zvao." |
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sed1
Advanced Member
Germany
3437 Posts
Member since 01/09/2006 |
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mr murdoc
Advanced Member
Switzerland
14557 Posts
Member since 02/01/2006 |
Posted - 16/04/2008 : 21:54:18
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Mujo po prvi put putuje avionom. Sav je u frci i muka mu je. Stjuardesa
primjećuje da Mujo ima nagon za povraćanjem i kaže:
Nemojte molim vas, sad ću vam donijeti vrećicu! Mujo se jedva suzdržava da
se ne izbljuje. Stjuardesa donosi vrećicu i odlazi ispraćena pogledom
zahvalnosti. Dolazi poslije kratkog vremena i zatiče cijeli avion izbljuvan
i sve putnike u jadnom stanju.
Pa zaboga što ste to uradili, jesam vam dala vrećicu?
Ma jesi, ja sam je odmah i napunio, ali kad se avion zaljuljao htjelo se
prosut' pa sam malo otpio, a onda su ovi oko mene počeli. |
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”? Oscar Wilde |
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hello
Senior Member
Croatia
2731 Posts
Member since 14/07/2006 |
Posted - 16/04/2008 : 22:08:28
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Evo jedan dobar, onako po sjećanju ali valjda ću dobro ispisati:
Kaže djed unuku: e moj sinko ništa od tebe. Kad sam ja bio tvojih godina otišao sam u Trst, opio se u gostionici, pojebao nekoliko kurvi, popeo se na stol, popišao i otišao bez da sam išta platio.
Nakon par tjedana dolazi unuk do djeda sav izubijan, prepun modrica, slomljene ruke i bez pola zuba.
-Sinko, što ti se to dogodilo? upita djed
Unuk odgovori:
- E pa poslušao sam tvoj savjet. Otišao sam u Trst, opio se ko guzica u restoranu, pojebao par kurvi i popeo se na stol i popišao i baš sam htjeo otići bez da išta platim kad su me dohvatili talijani i izubijali me ko vola.
Djed tad zbunjeno upita:
- A sinko, s kim si ti išao u Trst?
- S GENERALTURISTOM - odgovori unuk.
- E moj sinko, a ja sam išao s partizanima!!!!
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www.izdavanje-knjiga-dani.hr
www.vangogh.hr |
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William_Wallace
Advanced Member
.jpg)
Serbia
3173 Posts
Member since 25/04/2007 |
Posted - 16/04/2008 : 22:19:12
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quote:
Originally posted by hello
Evo jedan dobar, onako po sjećanju ali valjda ću dobro ispisati:
Kaže djed unuku: e moj sinko ništa od tebe. Kad sam ja bio tvojih godina otišao sam u Trst, opio se u gostionici, pojebao nekoliko kurvi, popeo se na stol, popišao i otišao bez da sam išta platio.
Nakon par tjedana dolazi unuk do djeda sav izubijan, prepun modrica, slomljene ruke i bez pola zuba.
-Sinko, što ti se to dogodilo? upita djed
Unuk odgovori:
- E pa poslušao sam tvoj savjet. Otišao sam u Trst, opio se ko guzica u restoranu, pojebao par kurvi i popeo se na stol i popišao i baš sam htjeo otići bez da išta platim kad su me dohvatili talijani i izubijali me ko vola.
Djed tad zbunjeno upita:
- A sinko, s kim si ti išao u Trst?
- S GENERALTURISTOM - odgovori unuk.
- E moj sinko, a ja sam išao s partizanima!!!!
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Every man dies,
not every man really lives. |
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dcopic
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
6221 Posts
Member since 20/01/2005 |
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Garak
Average Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
805 Posts
Member since 05/02/2008 |
Posted - 17/04/2008 : 17:27:25
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quote:
Originally posted by mr murdoc
Mujo po prvi put putuje avionom. Sav je u frci i muka mu je. Stjuardesa
primjećuje da Mujo ima nagon za povraćanjem i kaže:
Nemojte molim vas, sad ću vam donijeti vrećicu! Mujo se jedva suzdržava da
se ne izbljuje. Stjuardesa donosi vrećicu i odlazi ispraćena pogledom
zahvalnosti. Dolazi poslije kratkog vremena i zatiče cijeli avion izbljuvan
i sve putnike u jadnom stanju.
Pa zaboga što ste to uradili, jesam vam dala vrećicu?
Ma jesi, ja sam je odmah i napunio, ali kad se avion zaljuljao htjelo se
prosut' pa sam malo otpio, a onda su ovi oko mene počeli.
Odličan |
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Garak
Average Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
805 Posts
Member since 05/02/2008 |
Posted - 17/04/2008 : 20:44:42
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U are from Bosnia if ...
_ you begin most sentences with “jebiga”
__ you can not explain what “bolan” means, but you
use it all the time
__ your mother insists that “promaha” will kill you
__ older people call you “sine” although you are a
girl
__ your mother tells you to wear “potkosulja”, no
matter what the temperature outside
__ you tuck your “potkosulja” into your underwear
__ your father refers to all politicans with
“djubrad”, “lopovi”, and “kriminalci”
__ your mother threathens you with “samo cekaj dok ti
caca dodje kuci”
__ you are 6 and your father sends you out to buy him
“Drina” and “Preminger”
__ you start your day with a cup of cofee and a
cigarette
__ your mother won’t accept the fact that you are not
hungry
__ you have “pita” for dinner at least 4 days a week
__ you have “sarma” for dinner the remaining 3 days
__ a loaf of bread is eaten for lunch every day
__ your neighbour comes over every day uninvited, for
coffee
__ you have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last
name
__ your mother tells you not to sit close to TV, and
not to use cell phones, because you will
get brain tumor
__ your mother tells you that you will get sick from
drinking cold water
__ your parents have “goblene” on their walls, and
“heklanje” on every piece of their
furniture, including the TV
__ the time is divided into “before” and “after” the
war |
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William_Wallace
Advanced Member
Serbia
3173 Posts
Member since 25/04/2007 |
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Stari borac
Average Member
Croatia
505 Posts
Member since 03/11/2004 |
Posted - 17/04/2008 : 22:13:19
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A ovo kruži među kanadskim Hrvatima:
You know you are Croatian when...
At least one family member makes his own wine
"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well.
At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances.
You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk.
The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their parents as "Teta" and "Striko"
You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola"
"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy.
At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and each time your parents said "Samo probaj".
Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion.
When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings (regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem".
Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home.
Lunch on Sundays have more courses than Kanadjani have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner.
You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed if someone asked you what it was.
There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA.
Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher!!!
All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient
"Vegeta".
Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand.
All other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in english so that the serbian people won't find out you speak "their" language and start trying to be your friend.
You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away.
You have at least one short-wave radio in your house.
You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the klupa in church on sunday mornings.
You live with your parents until you are married.
Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because you didn't eat enough.
You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even in the middle of summer).
When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u pizdu materinu".
Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons.
Dida spits into a napkin at the dinner table.
Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene.
Dida insists you are quiet while he watches the news even though he doesn't understand a single word they're saying, regardless of the fact he doesn't understand what they're saying, he knows more about what's going on in the world than you do.
Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that it meant "NO!"
Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow be traced back to Serbs.
Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money had a cell phone before you and wears only name brand clothing.
Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you are not married by the age of 18.
You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland.
English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian... "play-ati", "study-ati".
Your dida mowes the lawn in knee high black socks and sandels.
Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's.
A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 400 people, 2/3 of which u don't even know.
......Your still laughing your ass off cause u know every single one of these are true!!!!!
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William_Wallace
Advanced Member
Serbia
3173 Posts
Member since 25/04/2007 |
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Poncho
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
3475 Posts
Member since 31/08/2007 |
Posted - 18/04/2008 : 13:36:50
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| Živa istina!!! kako ono za bosance tako i za hrvate. Točno sve do jedne. najjača mi je ona da znaš da si Hrvat ako ti barem jedan član obitelji proizvodi vino. Jebate u mojoj široj familiji nema nikoga da ne proizvodi vino. |
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mr murdoc
Advanced Member
Switzerland
14557 Posts
Member since 02/01/2006 |
Posted - 19/04/2008 : 10:21:46
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Dragi kolege!
>
> Sigurno ste već čuli da ja vise nemam vozačku
> dozvolu!
> Kako stalno kruže glasine da sam bio pijan ispričati
> ću vam cijelu priču.
> Jučer me zaustavio policajac i rekao." Kontrola,
> pokažite mi vaše papire
> osim toga čini mi se da ste pijani".
> Ja: gosp. inspektore siguran sam da ništa nisam pio.
> Policajac: OK napraviti ćemo mali test !
> Zamislite vozite mračnom ulicom i ususret vam dolaze
> 2 svjetla? što je to?
> Ja: auto
> Policajac: pa jasno da je auto, ali koji....
> Mercedes, Audi ili BMW?
> Ja: pojma nemam
> Policajac : dakle, ipak pijan.
> Ja: garantirano nisam!
> Policajac: OK onda još jedan test. Vozite mračnom
> ulicom i ususret vam dolazi jedno svjetlo, šta je to?
> Ja: MOTOR
> Policajac: pa naravno , ali koji HONDA, KAWASAKI ili HARLEY?
> Ja: pojma nemam
> Policajac: znaci ipak pijan.
> Ja pomalo bijesan velim.... može jedno protupitanje?
> Dakle uz cestu stoji jedna dama u minici , mrežastih
> čarapa i visokih peta, što je to?
> Policajac: pa jasno da je to kurva.
> Ja: pa naravno da je kurva, ali da li je to vaša kćer, vaša žena ili vaša mama?
> I ETO OD ONDA NEMAM VISE VOZAČKU DOZVOLU ! |
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”? Oscar Wilde |
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William_Wallace
Advanced Member
Serbia
3173 Posts
Member since 25/04/2007 |
Posted - 19/04/2008 : 13:03:20
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quote:
Originally posted by mr murdoc
Dragi kolege!
>
> Sigurno ste već čuli da ja vise nemam vozačku
> dozvolu!
> Kako stalno kruže glasine da sam bio pijan ispričati
> ću vam cijelu priču.
> Jučer me zaustavio policajac i rekao." Kontrola,
> pokažite mi vaše papire
> osim toga čini mi se da ste pijani".
> Ja: gosp. inspektore siguran sam da ništa nisam pio.
> Policajac: OK napraviti ćemo mali test !
> Zamislite vozite mračnom ulicom i ususret vam dolaze
> 2 svjetla? što je to?
> Ja: auto
> Policajac: pa jasno da je auto, ali koji....
> Mercedes, Audi ili BMW?
> Ja: pojma nemam
> Policajac : dakle, ipak pijan.
> Ja: garantirano nisam!
> Policajac: OK onda još jedan test. Vozite mračnom
> ulicom i ususret vam dolazi jedno svjetlo, šta je to?
> Ja: MOTOR
> Policajac: pa naravno , ali koji HONDA, KAWASAKI ili HARLEY?
> Ja: pojma nemam
> Policajac: znaci ipak pijan.
> Ja pomalo bijesan velim.... može jedno protupitanje?
> Dakle uz cestu stoji jedna dama u minici , mrežastih
> čarapa i visokih peta, što je to?
> Policajac: pa jasno da je to kurva.
> Ja: pa naravno da je kurva, ali da li je to vaša kćer, vaša žena ili vaša mama?
> I ETO OD ONDA NEMAM VISE VOZAČKU DOZVOLU !
Extra! |
Every man dies,
not every man really lives. |
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panzer
Advanced Member
12800 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
Posted - 19/04/2008 : 14:54:23
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Slovensko-srbski poslovni slovar:
SLOVENSKO: Dragi kolega, ze dolgo se nismo videli!
SRBSKO: Đe si, pizda ti materina!
SLOVENSKO: Spostovani gospod je zelo izobrazen.
SRBSKO: On je peder.
SLOVENSKO: Mislim, da niste natančno seznanjeni s pogodbo.
SRBSKO: Jebem te ćorava.
SLOVENSKO: Ne mislite resno.
SRBSKO: Seres
SLOVENSKO: Mislim, da se motite.
SRBSKO: Pusi kurac.
SLOVENSKO: Vasa informacija ne ustreza dejanskemu stanju.
SRBSKO: Jebes govna.
SLOVENSKO: Imate zelo simpatično tajnico.
SRBSKO: Jel', jebes ti to?
SLOVENSKO: Katero funkcijo ima gospod v podjetju?
SRBSKO: Koji je on kurac?
SLOVENSKO: Trenutno nismo zainteresirani za reklamo.
SRBSKO: Koji će mi kurac reklama.
SLOVENSKO: Menim, da njegovo mnenje ni pomembno.
SRBSKO: Ko ga jebe.
SLOVENSKO: Ta projekt se da enostavno realizirati.
SRBSKO: To je pičkin dim.
SLOVENSKO: Gospod je zelo previden pogajalec.
SRBSKO: Teraj ga u pičku materinu.
SLOVENSKO: Najlepsa hvala.
SRBSKO: ?????????????? |
Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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mr murdoc
Advanced Member
Switzerland
14557 Posts
Member since 02/01/2006 |
Posted - 19/04/2008 : 19:47:18
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U gluho doba noći dopratio mladić Mujinu kćerku do nebodera. Stali oni
pred haustor da se malo odmore. Stoje oni tako pa se mladić onako
machovski podboči i osloni na neboder te reče:
- De bona, hajd' ga malo popuši, majke ti!
- Što ti je? Može neko naići!
- Ma, dušo moja, brzo ćemo.
- Ma može naić' ne'ko od komšije pa će vidit, reći mom babi i puknut će bruka. - odgovori cura.
- Ma joooj..., hajd' bona, znaš ti mene, začas ću, za sekundu. - nastavlja on.
- Ma nemoj me..., rekla sam ti da neću sade!!!
- Medu moj, znaš da te jako volim... - i dalje moli mladić.
Odjednom se otvore vrata od haustora nebodera i pojavi se Mujina mlađa kćerka u spavaćici, sva raščupana i krmeljava, te kaže:
- Rek'o mi je babo da vam kažem ovako: Jel' da mu ga ti popušiš, jel da
mu ga ja popušim, jel da sačeka mati da dođe iz noćne smjene pa da mu
ga ona popuši, samo brate, nek' skine više ruku s tog interfona! |
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”? Oscar Wilde |
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Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5651 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
Posted - 20/04/2008 : 12:57:49
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quote:
Originally posted by mr murdoc
U gluho doba noći dopratio mladić Mujinu kćerku do nebodera. Stali oni
pred haustor da se malo odmore. Stoje oni tako pa se mladić onako
machovski podboči i osloni na neboder te reče:
- De bona, hajd' ga malo popuši, majke ti!
- Što ti je? Može neko naići!
- Ma, dušo moja, brzo ćemo.
- Ma može naić' ne'ko od komšije pa će vidit, reći mom babi i puknut će bruka. - odgovori cura.
- Ma joooj..., hajd' bona, znaš ti mene, začas ću, za sekundu. - nastavlja on.
- Ma nemoj me..., rekla sam ti da neću sade!!!
- Medu moj, znaš da te jako volim... - i dalje moli mladić.
Odjednom se otvore vrata od haustora nebodera i pojavi se Mujina mlađa kćerka u spavaćici, sva raščupana i krmeljava, te kaže:
- Rek'o mi je babo da vam kažem ovako: Jel' da mu ga ti popušiš, jel da
mu ga ja popušim, jel da sačeka mati da dođe iz noćne smjene pa da mu
ga ona popuši, samo brate, nek' skine više ruku s tog interfona!
Jel moguće?!?! Jel to neka zajebancija?!? Pa ovaj vic je bio bar 13 puta u ovom topicu!!! Mislim da Murdoc namjerno zajebava |
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mr murdoc
Advanced Member
Switzerland
14557 Posts
Member since 02/01/2006 |
Posted - 20/04/2008 : 13:32:22
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| hihihi, gledam samo dali se prati |
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”? Oscar Wilde |
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mr murdoc
Advanced Member
Switzerland
14557 Posts
Member since 02/01/2006 |
Posted - 20/04/2008 : 13:36:45
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Mujo, Fata i mali Suljica na plaži.. Pecaju..
Upeca Mujo zlatnu ribicu, a ribica će odmah: - Pusti me i ispunit ću vam tri želje!
Mali Suljo razdragono povika: - Hoću ježa! Hoću ježa!!!
A Mujo će na to: - Ma goni ježa u pi*ku materinu!!!
Tek čuješ fatu:- Vadi ga van!!! Vadi ga van!!!!!!! |
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”? Oscar Wilde |
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Manetola
Starting Member
Kyrgyzstan
92 Posts
Member since 14/03/2007 |
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Topic |
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VICEVI !!!
